Quote

I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.

Joan Rivers

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Things
Humorous
Sex
Lying
Funny
Stills
Still

More quotes by Joan Rivers

Image
I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
Joan Rivers
Image
That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
Joan Rivers
Image
A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
Joan Rivers
Image
Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
Joan Rivers
Image
As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
Joan Rivers
Image
I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
Joan Rivers
Image
Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
Joan Rivers
Image
I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
Joan Rivers
Image
The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
Joan Rivers
Image
Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
Joan Rivers
Image
Self-pity shortens your life.
Joan Rivers
Image
Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
Joan Rivers
Image
I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
Joan Rivers
Image
Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
Joan Rivers
Image
A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
Joan Rivers
Image
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
Joan Rivers
Image
Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
Joan Rivers
Image
I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
Joan Rivers
Image
Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
Joan Rivers
Image
I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
Joan Rivers