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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Two
Brides
Humorous
Played
Sex
Marriage
Minutes
Funny
Comes
Bride

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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.
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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
Joan Rivers