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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Humorous
Played
Sex
Marriage
Minutes
Funny
Comes
Bride
Two
Brides

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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
Joan Rivers
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Self-pity shortens your life.
Joan Rivers
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
Joan Rivers
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
Joan Rivers
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Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Joan Rivers
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
Joan Rivers