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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Funny
Comes
Bride
Two
Brides
Humorous
Played
Sex
Marriage
Minutes

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
Joan Rivers
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
Joan Rivers
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
Joan Rivers
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
Joan Rivers
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
Joan Rivers