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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Marriage
Minutes
Funny
Comes
Bride
Two
Brides
Humorous
Played
Sex

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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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Never floss a stranger.
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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers