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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Bucks
Fifty
Sex
Company
Three
Two
More quotes by Joan Rivers
That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
Joan Rivers
Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
Joan Rivers
You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
Joan Rivers
My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
Joan Rivers
Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
Joan Rivers
I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
Joan Rivers
Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
Joan Rivers
Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
Joan Rivers
I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
Joan Rivers
Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
Joan Rivers
At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
Joan Rivers
I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
Joan Rivers
Every television show you go on is a choice.
Joan Rivers
Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
Joan Rivers
I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
Joan Rivers
I’m never without a bandage.
Joan Rivers
As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
Joan Rivers
I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
Joan Rivers
Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
Joan Rivers
