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I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Possible
Black
Back
Even
Jackson
Michael
Racist
Friend

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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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