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I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Friend
Possible
Black
Back
Even
Jackson
Michael
Racist

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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
Joan Rivers