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I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Jackson
Michael
Racist
Friend
Possible
Black
Back
Even

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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
Joan Rivers