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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Fur
Vegetarian
Common
Never

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
Joan Rivers
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
Joan Rivers
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
Joan Rivers
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
Joan Rivers
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
Joan Rivers
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
Joan Rivers
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
Joan Rivers
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
Joan Rivers
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
Joan Rivers
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
Joan Rivers
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
Joan Rivers
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Joan Rivers
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
Joan Rivers
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
Joan Rivers
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
Joan Rivers
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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
Joan Rivers
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
Joan Rivers
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
Joan Rivers
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
Joan Rivers