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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Fur
Vegetarian
Common
Never

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
Joan Rivers
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
Joan Rivers
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
Joan Rivers
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
Joan Rivers
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
Joan Rivers
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
Joan Rivers
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Joan Rivers
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
Joan Rivers
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
Joan Rivers
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
Joan Rivers
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
Joan Rivers
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
Joan Rivers
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
Joan Rivers
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
Joan Rivers
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
Joan Rivers
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
Joan Rivers
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
Joan Rivers