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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Never
Fur
Vegetarian
Common

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
Joan Rivers
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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
Joan Rivers
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
Joan Rivers
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
Joan Rivers
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
Joan Rivers
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
Joan Rivers
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
Joan Rivers
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
Joan Rivers
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
Joan Rivers
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
Joan Rivers
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
Joan Rivers
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
Joan Rivers
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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
Joan Rivers
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I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
Joan Rivers
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
Joan Rivers
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I was my own buddy in camp.
Joan Rivers
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Never floss a stranger.
Joan Rivers
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
Joan Rivers
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
Joan Rivers
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
Joan Rivers