Quote

Never floss a stranger.

Joan Rivers

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Floss
Stranger
Advice
Never

More quotes by Joan Rivers

Image
Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
Joan Rivers
Image
my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
Joan Rivers
Image
A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
Joan Rivers
Image
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
Image
But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
Joan Rivers
Image
As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
Joan Rivers
Image
I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
Joan Rivers
Image
I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
Joan Rivers
Image
You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
Joan Rivers
Image
If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
Joan Rivers
Image
I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
Joan Rivers
Image
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
Image
At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
Joan Rivers
Image
Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
Joan Rivers
Image
Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
Joan Rivers
Image
If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
Joan Rivers
Image
I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
Joan Rivers
Image
Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
Joan Rivers
Image
I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
Joan Rivers
Image
Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
Joan Rivers