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Happiness, at my age, is breathing

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Breathing
Inspiration
Age
Happiness

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
Joan Rivers
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
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I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
Joan Rivers
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
Joan Rivers
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
Joan Rivers