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Happiness, at my age, is breathing

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Breathing
Inspiration
Age
Happiness

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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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