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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Truth
Time
Think
Thinking
Beethoven
Knew

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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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