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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Beethoven
Knew
Truth
Time
Think
Thinking

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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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Better laid than never.
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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Joan Rivers