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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Time
Think
Thinking
Beethoven
Knew
Truth

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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
Joan Rivers