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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Knew
Truth
Time
Think
Thinking
Beethoven

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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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Can we talk?
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
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