Quote

Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.

Joan Rivers

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Finals
Air
Powerful
Show
Shows
Postponed
Airs
Rapture
Final

More quotes by Joan Rivers

Image
I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
Joan Rivers
Image
The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
Joan Rivers
Image
I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
Joan Rivers
Image
Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
Joan Rivers
Image
I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
Joan Rivers
Image
Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
Joan Rivers
Image
A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
Joan Rivers
Image
Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
Joan Rivers
Image
I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
Joan Rivers
Image
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
Image
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
Joan Rivers
Image
I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
Joan Rivers
Image
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
Image
I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
Joan Rivers
Image
All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
Joan Rivers
Image
I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
Joan Rivers
Image
On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
Joan Rivers
Image
I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
Joan Rivers
Image
My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
Joan Rivers
Image
If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
Joan Rivers