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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Never
Golfing
Admit
Golf
Goes
Back

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
Joan Rivers