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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Back
Never
Golfing
Admit
Golf
Goes

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
Joan Rivers