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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Golfing
Admit
Golf
Goes
Back
Never
More quotes by Joan Rivers
Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
Joan Rivers
Happiness, at my age, is breathing
Joan Rivers
Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
Joan Rivers
I hate reality shows that are not reality.
Joan Rivers
Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
Joan Rivers
A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
Joan Rivers
My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
Joan Rivers
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
Joan Rivers
That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
Joan Rivers
Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
Joan Rivers
I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
Joan Rivers
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
Joan Rivers
I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
Joan Rivers
Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
Joan Rivers
I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
Joan Rivers
You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
Joan Rivers
I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
Joan Rivers
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
Joan Rivers
I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
Joan Rivers
