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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Goes
Back
Never
Golfing
Admit
Golf
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
Joan Rivers
My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
Joan Rivers
I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
Joan Rivers
On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
Joan Rivers
Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
Joan Rivers
I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
Joan Rivers
I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
Joan Rivers
If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
Joan Rivers
You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
Joan Rivers
Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
Joan Rivers
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
Joan Rivers
At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
Joan Rivers
I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
Joan Rivers
In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
Joan Rivers
I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
Joan Rivers
I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
Joan Rivers
Happiness, at my age, is breathing
Joan Rivers
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
Joan Rivers
I was my own buddy in camp.
Joan Rivers
Every television show you go on is a choice.
Joan Rivers
