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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Ballroom
Louis
Adore
Apartment
York
Done
Loft
Like
Remade
Fifteenth

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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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