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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Apartment
York
Done
Loft
Like
Remade
Fifteenth
Ballroom
Louis
Adore

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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
Joan Rivers