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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Deals
Face
Faces
Need
Needs

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
Joan Rivers
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
Joan Rivers
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
Joan Rivers
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Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
Joan Rivers
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Joan Rivers
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
Joan Rivers
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
Joan Rivers
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
Joan Rivers
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
Joan Rivers
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
Joan Rivers
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
Joan Rivers
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
Joan Rivers
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
Joan Rivers
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
Joan Rivers
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
Joan Rivers
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
Joan Rivers
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
Joan Rivers