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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Enjoy
Life
Calm
Fast
Goes
Funny

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
Joan Rivers
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
Joan Rivers
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
Joan Rivers
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
Joan Rivers
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
Joan Rivers
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
Joan Rivers
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
Joan Rivers
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Joan Rivers
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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
Joan Rivers
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
Joan Rivers
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
Joan Rivers
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
Joan Rivers
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
Joan Rivers
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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
Joan Rivers
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
Joan Rivers
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
Joan Rivers
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
Joan Rivers
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
Joan Rivers
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
Joan Rivers