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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Life
Fast
Gets
Goes
Wrong
Enjoy
Everyone
Strong
Things
Upset

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
Joan Rivers
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
Joan Rivers
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
Joan Rivers
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
Joan Rivers
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
Joan Rivers
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
Joan Rivers
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I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.
Joan Rivers
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Joan Rivers
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
Joan Rivers
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
Joan Rivers
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
Joan Rivers
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
Joan Rivers
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Joan Rivers
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
Joan Rivers
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
Joan Rivers
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I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
Joan Rivers
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
Joan Rivers
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
Joan Rivers