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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Gets
Goes
Wrong
Enjoy
Everyone
Strong
Things
Upset
Life
Fast
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
Joan Rivers
My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
Joan Rivers
When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
Joan Rivers
That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
Joan Rivers
I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
Joan Rivers
I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
Joan Rivers
Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
Joan Rivers
I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
Joan Rivers
My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
Joan Rivers
Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
Joan Rivers
Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
Joan Rivers
The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
Joan Rivers
A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
Joan Rivers
Two is company three is fifty bucks.
Joan Rivers
I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
Joan Rivers
If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
Joan Rivers
Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
Joan Rivers
In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
Joan Rivers
You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
Joan Rivers
I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
Joan Rivers
