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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Goes
Wrong
Enjoy
Everyone
Strong
Things
Upset
Life
Fast
Gets
More quotes by Joan Rivers
Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
Joan Rivers
If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
Joan Rivers
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
Joan Rivers
My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
Joan Rivers
Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
Joan Rivers
