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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Goes
Wrong
Enjoy
Everyone
Strong
Things
Upset
Life
Fast
Gets
More quotes by Joan Rivers
Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
Joan Rivers
When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
Joan Rivers
