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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Months
Seen
Need
Needs
Desperately
Never
Month
Six
Ugly
Baby

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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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Never floss a stranger.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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