Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
Joan Rivers
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Sex
Life
Landmark
Landmarks
Declared
Spot
Spots
Historical
More quotes by Joan Rivers
Never floss a stranger.
Joan Rivers
Can we talk?
Joan Rivers
My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
Joan Rivers
I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
Joan Rivers
That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
Joan Rivers
Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
Joan Rivers
Two is company three is fifty bucks.
Joan Rivers
She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
Joan Rivers
The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
Joan Rivers
Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Joan Rivers
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
Joan Rivers
My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
Joan Rivers
It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
Joan Rivers
I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
Joan Rivers
I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
Joan Rivers
A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
Joan Rivers
You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
Joan Rivers
I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
Joan Rivers
My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
Joan Rivers
[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
Joan Rivers
