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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Going
Jokes
Satirist
Make
Fame
Horseback
Meaning
Jackie
Humor
Park
Party
Parks
Learn
Riding
Night
Central
Part
Joke
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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