Quote

But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Humor
Park
Party
Parks
Learn
Riding
Night
Central
Part
Joke
Going
Jokes
Satirist
Make
Fame
Horseback
Meaning
Jackie

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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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I’m never without a bandage.
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
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I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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