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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Present
Dark
Come
Matter
Something
Optimist
Terrific
Optimism
More quotes by Joan Rivers
But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
Joan Rivers
Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
Joan Rivers
There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
Joan Rivers
I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
Joan Rivers
I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
Joan Rivers
Every television show you go on is a choice.
Joan Rivers
I hate reality shows that are not reality.
Joan Rivers
I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
Joan Rivers
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
Joan Rivers
I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
Joan Rivers
With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
Joan Rivers
A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
Joan Rivers
Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
Joan Rivers
At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
Joan Rivers
I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
Joan Rivers
Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
Joan Rivers
I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
Joan Rivers
Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
Joan Rivers
I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
Joan Rivers
I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
Joan Rivers
