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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Optimist
Terrific
Optimism
Present
Dark
Come
Matter
Something
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Joan Rivers
At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
Joan Rivers
The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
Joan Rivers
if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
Joan Rivers
Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
Joan Rivers
If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
Joan Rivers
It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
Joan Rivers
Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
Joan Rivers
old age' is always ten years more than we are.
Joan Rivers
That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
Joan Rivers
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Joan Rivers
You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
Joan Rivers
Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
Joan Rivers
To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
Joan Rivers
I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
Joan Rivers
I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
Joan Rivers
I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
Joan Rivers
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
Joan Rivers
Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
Joan Rivers
Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
Joan Rivers