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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Dark
Come
Matter
Something
Optimist
Terrific
Optimism
Present

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
Joan Rivers
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Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
Joan Rivers
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
Joan Rivers
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
Joan Rivers
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I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
Joan Rivers
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
Joan Rivers
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
Joan Rivers
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
Joan Rivers
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
Joan Rivers
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
Joan Rivers
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
Joan Rivers
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
Joan Rivers
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
Joan Rivers
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Self-pity shortens your life.
Joan Rivers