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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Calls
Sex
Beauty
Littles
Little
Gynecologist
Gynecologists
Appeal
Appeals

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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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Never floss a stranger.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
Joan Rivers