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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Littles
Little
Gynecologist
Gynecologists
Appeal
Appeals
Calls
Sex
Beauty

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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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