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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Beauty
Littles
Little
Gynecologist
Gynecologists
Appeal
Appeals
Calls
Sex

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
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I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
Joan Rivers
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my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
Joan Rivers
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
Joan Rivers