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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Little
Gynecologist
Gynecologists
Appeal
Appeals
Calls
Sex
Beauty
Littles

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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
Joan Rivers