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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Except
Everyone
Jobs
Need
Facelift
Needs
Facelifts
Brooklyn
Nose
Noses
More quotes by Joan Rivers
Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
Joan Rivers
I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
Joan Rivers
The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
Joan Rivers
I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
Joan Rivers
I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
Joan Rivers
When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
Joan Rivers
I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
Joan Rivers
My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
Joan Rivers
The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
Joan Rivers
I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
Joan Rivers
Happiness, at my age, is breathing
Joan Rivers
Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
Joan Rivers
It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
Joan Rivers
I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.
Joan Rivers
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Joan Rivers
I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
Joan Rivers
Never floss a stranger.
Joan Rivers