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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Nose
Noses
Except
Everyone
Jobs
Need
Facelift
Needs
Facelifts
Brooklyn

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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
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