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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Except
Everyone
Jobs
Need
Facelift
Needs
Facelifts
Brooklyn
Nose
Noses

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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
Joan Rivers