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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Nose
Noses
Except
Everyone
Jobs
Need
Facelift
Needs
Facelifts
Brooklyn

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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
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