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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Jobs
Need
Facelift
Needs
Facelifts
Brooklyn
Nose
Noses
Except
Everyone

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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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Better laid than never.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
Joan Rivers