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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Noses
Except
Everyone
Jobs
Facelift
Need
Facelifts
Needs
Brooklyn
Nose
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
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Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.
Joan Rivers
I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
Joan Rivers
After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
Joan Rivers
