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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Name
Names
Nice
Always
Never
Adjective
Adjectives
More quotes by Joan Rivers
Every television show you go on is a choice.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
Joan Rivers
Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
Joan Rivers
I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
Joan Rivers
One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
Joan Rivers
Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
Joan Rivers
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
Joan Rivers
Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
Joan Rivers
I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
Joan Rivers
I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
Joan Rivers
My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
Joan Rivers
I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
Joan Rivers
I was my own buddy in camp.
Joan Rivers
With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
Joan Rivers
With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
Joan Rivers
