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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Mean
Things
Think
Thinking
People
Rebellious
Allow
Woman

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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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