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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Ever
Make
Laugh
Fool
Laughing
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
Joan Rivers
Having a baby can be a scream.
Joan Rivers
I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
Joan Rivers
In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
Joan Rivers
I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
Joan Rivers
Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
Joan Rivers
I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.
Joan Rivers
My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
Joan Rivers
I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
Joan Rivers
That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
Joan Rivers
Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
Joan Rivers
Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
Joan Rivers
I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
Joan Rivers
A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
Joan Rivers
I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
Joan Rivers
I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
Joan Rivers
Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
Joan Rivers
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
Joan Rivers
After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
Joan Rivers
Every television show you go on is a choice.
Joan Rivers
