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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Thinking
Truth
Going
Think

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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
Joan Rivers