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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Woman
Stays
Something
German
Like
Project
Watching
Projects
Goes
Saying
Heidi
Wrong
Runway
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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I’m never without a bandage.
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
Joan Rivers
After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
Joan Rivers
Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
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Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
Joan Rivers