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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Guy
Dated
Count
Dumb
Naked
Unless

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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
Joan Rivers
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
Joan Rivers
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
Joan Rivers
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
Joan Rivers
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
Joan Rivers
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Joan Rivers
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
Joan Rivers
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
Joan Rivers