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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Count
Dumb
Naked
Unless
Guy
Dated

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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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