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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Guy
Dated
Count
Dumb
Naked
Unless

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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
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Never floss a stranger.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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Better laid than never.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
Joan Rivers