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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Guy
Dated
Count
Dumb
Naked
Unless

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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
Joan Rivers