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I’m never without a bandage.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Never
Bandage
Bandages
Without

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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