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I’m never without a bandage.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Never
Bandage
Bandages
Without

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
Joan Rivers
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Joan Rivers
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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
Joan Rivers
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
Joan Rivers
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
Joan Rivers
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
Joan Rivers
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
Joan Rivers
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
Joan Rivers
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
Joan Rivers
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
Joan Rivers