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I’m never without a bandage.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Bandage
Bandages
Without
Never

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.
Joan Rivers
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
Joan Rivers