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I’m never without a bandage.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Bandage
Bandages
Without
Never

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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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