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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Make
Gays
Uniforms
Gay
Ugly
Military

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
Joan Rivers
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
Joan Rivers
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
Joan Rivers
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
Joan Rivers
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
Joan Rivers