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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Gays
Uniforms
Gay
Ugly
Military
Make

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
Joan Rivers