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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Gays
Uniforms
Gay
Ugly
Military
Make
More quotes by Joan Rivers
If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
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