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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Make
Gays
Uniforms
Gay
Ugly
Military

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Better laid than never.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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Can we talk?
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
Joan Rivers