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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Make
Hooker
Delicious
Cook
Cake
Cooks
Husband
Tell

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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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