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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Make
Hooker
Delicious
Cook
Cake
Cooks
Husband
Tell

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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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I’m never without a bandage.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
Joan Rivers